I F_+king Love You. Even Though You’re Unemployed & On Work Release. Sigh.

ashamedwoman

I cheated on my husband with you. I have known you forever. During the past four years we messed around and hooked up for a few months, then we wouldn’t see or talk to each other for a few months. It’s been a continuous cycle the whole four years. You have nothing to offer me. You live with your parents, don’t have a job, and you’re on work release because you won’t stop driving without a license.  I even wrote you letters in JAIL!!!  But yet I am so incredibly in love with you. It doesn’t make sense.

I’m a smart girl, I know this is stupid, I know I deserve better, that I can do better, but you’re all I’ve thought of for four years. And you don’t really care about me at all. We have never been in a relationship, but I have been loyal to you the whole time as if we were. I wish I didn’t love you, and I wish I could move on and forget about you. But then I wish you could see that I am a good woman. I have this fantasy that I could make you see the man you could be, though I know that’s crazy, and it’s not how it works.

I love the way you look at me, and the way it feels when you touch me. I like how protective you are, and how you’ll stand up for me if need be. But I hate how bad all of this hurts the most. How much of you consumes my thoughts, how stupid it makes me feel because I know deep down that you’re not good enough for me, and that this heartache is sparing me a bullet and a much bigger heartache in the future. I wish I could forget you exist, but I cant, because I f_+king love you. And I hate myself for it. Double-edged sword I guess.

image- the Italian voice


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