Your Rapey Vibes At The Bar Last Night Were So Hurtful And So Uncalled For

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Dear Random Guy At The Bar From Last Night,

I was at the bar with my friends looking to have a good time because we don’t get out together very much. You, Random Man, came up to me and asked if you could buy me a drink. I didn’t want it but I took it. I HATE-HATE-HATE that as a woman I feel like I must take a drink from men at the bar. This is 2016, why do women still have to fear what will happen if they say “no?” I like to avoid conflict and I’ve seen what a bruised ego can cause a drunk man to do. So I sat down and had a drink with you while trying to figure out how to get myself out of the situation as quickly as possible. Eventually, I finally saw the opportunity to excuse myself, I got back to my friends, and we continued our night. My guy friend asked me why I did that, and I told him that as a woman you have to worry about getting shot in the face for refusing a drink. Why is that Random Man?

After a while my friends noticed that you kept staring at me all the time with creepy eyes. Ugh, why Random Man? Because you saw that I had been drinking, and you were waiting for your chance to get me alone outside because I wouldn’t be able to fight you off? Or because you feel that a 10-minute conversation and a drink should buy me for the night? You should know Random Man, that last January, I was raped in a similar fashion. I got drunk and then a dude offered me a drink. And because I was drunk and took a drink from him, he felt that I automatically wanted him, and he followed me home.

Random Dude From The Bar, you should know a few things: Rape is an omitted NO. If a girl is drunk then she cannot consent to sex, and she could get you arrested. If you don’t want to protect her, the least you can do is protect yourself. And sex should only happen if a woman says Y.E.S. It was not OK, Random Man, to make me uncomfortable and fearful while I was trying to have fun with my friends. I am so angry with you Random Guy. And I know it’s not your fault. You are just a product of your society. Society is gross and broken.

I had to ask my friend, who is a man, to walk us girls out. This is 2016, why do girls feel they have to have a man walk them out? My friend and I got into my driveway, and she asked me why do I get drunk knowing that bar creeps will see my drunkenness and will want to try and have sex with me. To which I replied, “Because women should be able to get sh*t-faced just like a man. I shouldn’t have to not drink to ensure that I don’t get raped.” I was not trashed, but that is irrelevant. If I did want to get trashed, I should be able to do so. I’m not sure why society feels that men can’t control themselves, and why it’s up to the woman to “cover up,” “stay sober,” and “just have a drink because it can’t hurt.” It’s crap Random Guy. And you should be insulted that society feels that you are just an animal with uncontrollable behavior!

So I get inside my house and I curled up next to my daughter and cried a little. I really hope by the time our little babies are people in a bar, rape culture stops. I hope someday that my daughter and all of our daughters don’t have to say, “yes,” out of fear. I hope someday that our daughters don’t have to have a male friend follow them out of the bar to make sure that men who believe, “drunk means YES,” don’t follow them. I am so sad at the thought of my daughter having to do what I just did last night. Or my daughter actually getting raped by one of these men. Come on Random Guy. Please help change our society. Don’t be that guy. Please change our world for our children!!

Sincerely,

Every Woman

image: ibm4381


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