I’m tired.
I’m tired of being used by my parents financially just because they didn’t make something of themselves.
I’m tired of getting heartbroken.
I’m tired of always picking myself up when I don’t want to continue anymore.
I’m tired of having the heart to always love but not receiving the love back.
I’m tired of always putting on a smile when I’m not in any way happy.
I’m tired of offering a hug when I’m never offered one.
I’m tired of hearing, “You’re young, you can’t be tired.”
I’m tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to continue.
What’s the point?
I’ve tried for 26 years. Why do I have to keep going?
All my hopes and dreams of actually having a solid family aren’t going to happen.
Why? Why should I continue?
I know it’s not all unicorn farts and rainbows, but I hate this loneliness I’ve always had inside and hidden.
There’s no point.

I Wish I Had A Dad So Bad. Unless My Mom Remarries, I’ll Have No One To Walk Me Down The Aisle. I Want To Die.

overweight bride walks down the aisle

Tonight I am crying myself to sleep because of a video about a kid’s dad who was supposed to go on a trip with him but left.  My dad did that a lot too. Why can’t I tell anyone about my dad? I envision my peers asking, “What’d your dad say?” And I envision myself responding with, “LOL, he didn’t respond.” However, inside my head, I’m like, “He died…” 

I wish my mom remarried someone so I don’t have to worry anymore about having to lie about having a dad. I wish I had a dad so bad. Seeing my cousins have dads that are still here is slowly killing me inside. I always care about anyone who shows up in my life but I never show it. I care so much, but if they ever get out of my life, I get so worked up. I try and try to forget and avoid them until I’m finally able to do so, and then I totally stop talking to them.

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