He’s 21. I’m 38. He’s My Sister’s Husband’s Son. Nobody Knows About “Us.”

middleagedwoman

I began having an affair with my sister’s husband’s son from another relationship back in March. I have known him since he was 4 years old, and he is now 21, with me being 17 years his senior. At first when he came on to me I was shocked and had no idea he felt that way about me. After talking about it and taking some time to think about it, I decided to give in to this taboo situation. In the beginning it was exciting and quite a rush, but it was only supposed to be a sexual thing with us not getting attached. I don’t know where exactly the feelings started, but we began to fall in love with each other. We didn’t mean for that to happen, and we fought it hard. We tried to keep it on a fling level, but little by little we both got more and more jealous of anyone else the other was dating.

He stopped dating others before I did, and got extremely jealous of anyone I flirted with or just talked to at all. He even broke into my Facebook messenger and spied on my conversations to check up on me. That is where the biggest issue has now risen. He is feeling betrayed over messages he saw that lie in the gray area of when he and I were discussing being more serious. When I decided to be serious, I cut everyone off that had any interest in me. He keeps throwing infidelity in my face, when I swear on all I am that is not the case. I am not prepared for this extreme jealousy and his sense of betrayal that I feel is way over what it should be, especially after we opened up and talked it all out and were supposed to be starting fresh. It’s made more difficult by the fact no one knows we are together. I don’t know how our families would react.

He has a history of being hurt, and as he puts it, “being taken as a game.”  I love him, and want to try to smooth this over, but it’s such a complex situation. I just don’t see how I am supposed to make this work. In the end, in his eyes, I will have betrayed him the way all the other important women in his life, including his own mother, have betrayed him, and that is just not the case. But who can we go to to vent? To get advice? No one. I am so confused, and feel my own sense of betrayal with his trust issues that are now threatening to end not only our love affair, but our long-term friendship as well.

image- ChrisGampat


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