Dear Obnoxious Vindictive Coworker:
GO TO HELL! As if working retail wasn’t bad enough, you had to come along and make it worse. The first second I met you I figured that something was off, and I foolishly attributed it to your nervousness about being a new-hire. I was and have always been friendly and bubbly. I took you under my wing the same way I’ve done dozens of other new-hires. I taught you the ropes and tricks of the trade in an effort to make your transition smoother. I never would have imagined that I’d live to regret my kindness towards you.
Time and time again you have made openly racist remarks. You’ve schemed, lied, and manipulated other associates and upper management into thinking that everyone was out to get you. You wrapped them so tightly around your little finger that not even a surgeon’s scalpel could remove them. You are one of the most efficient instigators that I have ever seen, turning the most innocent comments into the most barbaric insults in history. You cause so much drama that nobody in the store wants to work with you.
Both coworkers and upper management are pissing their pants in fear of lawsuits for discrimination, slander, libel, and defamation of character filed by your big-shot attorney brother-in-law. He would surely take us to the cleaners and have us jobless and begging on the streets, while eating out of garbage bins. Because of this, they will never fire you, no matter how much trouble you cause, or how much money you steal from the till.
My hatred for you is not based on your skin color darling. Oh no, you could be purple with orange spots, and I would still hate you with the fiery passion of a trillion suns. Hahaha darling, your shitty behavior has earned you that badge of honor. You have repeatedly openly mocked my Jewish ancestry in front of customers and coworkers alike. Saying that my people deserved the Holocaust, and deserved to be dehumanized, because, “White people like you deserve a good lynching for everything your race has done to people of color.” You say this aloud even though almost everybody in the store knows that I am a human rights activist, and that I’m in law school working to become an international human rights attorney.
Yet when I reported you, and when you got called into that HR discipline meeting, you had the audacity to break down into a sniveling ball of goo. You once again played the race card and claimed that myself and several of our co-workers, gossiped and spread vicious rumors about you, and that we were all out to get you. You successfully managed to escape the punishment you deserved, had three of us written up, and had the other two fired.
You are nothing more than a royal c+nt who makes things harder for people that have ACTUALLY been victims of discrimination to get the justice they deserve. I must admit, you are wily, and I marvel at your skill in working the system in your favor. I admire you in a sick and morbid way, similar to the way a crowd marvels at the scene of a car accident. I often find myself pondering what a miserable childhood you must have had in order to become so vindictive, cruel, and just a downright pathetic excuse of a human being.
You are the Dolores Umbridge of our workplace. While the mature side of me tries to pity you, and tries to understand what circumstances may have made you turn out this way; my human side is boiling with rage. I pray that one day soon, Karma comes around and bites you hard!