I Hope He’ll Recover, But I’m Scared My Husband Will Drink Himself To Death

Almost five years ago my husband and I separated due to his drinking.  During that time I had an affair with a married man.  After a month or so my husband asked me to come back home.  I explained to him prior to returning that I had been with someone during our separation time and I didn’t want to go back without him knowing.  He said he understood and he wanted to work things out.  So, we did.  He quit drinking, we attended church together, had date nights, spent time with our kids every weekend, etc.  And that lasted maybe a year.

Skip to four years later.  He’s drinking worse than ever, and isolating himself from his family and friends.  All he does is work and stay on his phone all night while drinking and playing games.  My children are frustrated and want me to leave because EVERY TIME he gets overly drunk and argumentative, the first thing he does is throw the affair in my face, even though he asked me back and agreed to work through things.  I’ve apologized to him multiple times throughout this time period, and he keeps saying it’s forgiven and it’s over (when he’s sober).

I didn’t have an affair to hurt him.  I’ve always loved him.  I had a really huge lapse of judgment when someone came along saying all the right things.  I let thinking I was being treated like I was valuable turn into years of heartache, guilt, and pain.  That part of my life is over and I just want to live a normal life again.  I know I hurt him and I don’t know how to stop his pain.  I stopped the affair long ago.  I put my husband and my children before myself.  I do everything at home.  Cook, clean, take care of the kids, pay bills, do yard work, run errands.  Whatever.  He lacks nothing.  I understand people argue.  It’s even healthy to a point, but not this.  Not mudslinging and screaming and swearing.  I want to hold out the hope that he will recover.  I’m sincerely scared he’s going to drink himself to death.

image- juanktru