I met this really sweet guy last year and we started dating. I knew he was a recovering addict, but every single person who knew him said he was such a good guy, and he was (No bashing addicts please. I learned a lot and it IS a disease). He relapsed after we dated a few months. I found him on the bathroom floor OD’d from Heroin, needle still in his arm. He was turning blue and I couldn’t find a pulse. 911 told me to give chest compressions and he survived. It was one of the scariest times in my life, and certainly one of the scariest times in his too.
I was clueless about addiction and didn’t see the signs. After many long talks I decided to stay with him. I already had feelings for him, and he was going into rehab the next month. Neither of us wanted to split up. In fact, he wrote a long letter saying he saw a future with me, and really wanted to make me happy because I made him happy, and how lucky he was that I stayed with him. When he went to rehab, I took the class each week so I could visit him, and drove the hour each way to rehab each weekend for three weeks. Even his family didn’t go every week, only me. He called me 2-3 times a week if allowed, and always said he missed me.
I could not wait until he finished so we could be “normal” again. He was going to stay in a nearby halfway house and continue therapy there for at least a year. I was so proud of him. Then he finished rehab, and I immediately noticed a distance from him. So I asked, and he admitted he wanted to break up, that he was never good at relationships, and couldn’t really feel love like that for anyone. I was devastated.
After everything we just went through, he was breaking my heart. He said it was hard for him to do it, but it sure seemed easy for him. He said it was best for both of us, as he didn’t think we’d work out anyways, but he never said why he thought so. It was a complete turnaround from the sweetheart I knew. He wanted to stay friends but I couldn’t. He hurt me too deeply and I felt used. Four months later, and I still miss that sweet guy I knew. Now he looks great, is doing well, and I am finding it very hard to put myself out there again. I accept its over, but I’m still so hurt he did that to me.
image- AMELIA SPEED