You said you wanted a friend, a real friend. Someone who doesn’t just show up when they want something. Someone who doesn’t just show up when they have a problem. Someone who asks you about your day and cares about your feelings. A person who is there for you when you need it and when you don’t. A person who knows you and cares for the real you, not just the person you pretend to be. Apparently you were not talking about me, just to me. You made me care for you with all your talking and all your feelings, and all your sharing and wanting. You made me want to be that friend. And now that I do and am, you won’t even look at me because I care for you. Caring leads to problems, caring leads to trouble, caring leads to sadness. Whose sadness, I ask you? Because now I am lonely without you. I am lonely without my friend. I can’t tell you about it because you pretend I don’t even exist.
You act like you don’t know me and never did, and like I never knew you. But I do know you! I know you are sad. I know you are lonely in the same ways that I am lonely. I never asked for anything more than friendship and would have been happy with only that. It’s not easy for me to say I am lonely, or to say that I care. It never has been. It is only easy when I mean it, and now I am sorry that I meant it. I am sorry that I let you in and was honest about how I feel. I am sorry that I am your friend because being your friend does not feel good. Being your friend is not what I wanted after all. Goodbye friend.