I’m A Depressed And Socially Anxious Hot Mess. Oh Dear. Sigh.

Dear Beautiful People,

Within the first hours of daylight, I’ve seen that you’re graduating, getting married, going on vacations, and traveling the world. I see you through your perfect pictures with inspirational quotes and giddy posts about how blessed you are. You have the perfect home and the perfect partner who surprised you with a puppy simply because it’s Tuesday. And you got hired for your dream career. All of this has happened to you while I’ve barely managed to swing my legs off my bed and have a cup of coffee. I didn’t get to see your struggle to see if you were like me. You know, sometimes crying and drinking simultaneously when you really need company but the world is intangible.

What is it like to carry on with life normally and be able to go out because you were invited? What is it like to have people laugh at your jokes? What is it like to have jokes and friends? What is it like to not choke into a dreadful silence at the thought of social interaction? What is it like to know that your existence is acknowledged and appreciated? What is it like to be able to create beautiful memories with people and not be a burden? What is it like to not have to be alone if you don’t want to be alone?

Please describe the feeling of being able to look yourself in the mirror and not break into tears and self-loathing. Please tell me how it feels to not spend your day dreading the day and suffering from an existential crisis. Please tell me how it feels to not have to look back over your entire life only to realize that it was a waste.

-A Depressed Chick

image: basykes