It Hurts Me To My Core That You Want To Be My Friend, But Not My Boyfriend

For five years I’ve sat here waiting for you. For five f**king years you have toyed with me. I’m good enough for you to hook up with, but I’m not good enough for you to be in a relationship with. I was there for you when everyone else left.  When you felt more alone than anything, who did you come to to fix your brokenness? Me. You know how much I’ve loved you for a really long time.  I’ve never been anything but supportive of you. You’re my best friend. I’ve supported your dreams and your aspirations. I held you when you cried about your losses. I never told you that you couldn’t do something. Because I truly believe you can do anything that you put your mind to.

I thought we were finally going somewhere. You were flirting with me, and you told me that you loved me. You went out of your way for me and I thought, “Maybe he finally sees what I have to offer him. Maybe he sees all the love that I have. Maybe now he’s ready to accept it.” We were in love once, but the timing wasn’t right. I was so desperately hoping for another chance.

And then you send me Snapchats of you kissing some girl. A girl you hid from me until this point. I love you so much, but you break my heart.  And I can’t even say anything to you about it.  Because I’m a coward. I admit it. I don’t want to picture a life without you in it.

But I just don’t…I don’t understand how you could do this to me over and over again when you know exactly how I feel. It’s like I start to get over you, you draw me back in, then you do something stupid, and then you kick me where it hurts the most.

I wish I respected myself enough to say “no.” But when this girl dumps you too, and you come running back to me about how much it hurts, I hope to God that the thought crosses your mind that that hurt is something that I feel every single day. I’m sorry.