It’s None Of Your Business

Dear XX,

Receiving a message from you this morning was enlightening. I am glad to know that “courtesy distance” is the name you give to the silent treatment you introduced me to over the summer. I am quite satisfied with the “courtesy distance” and would appreciate it if you would restrain yourself from future contact with me. But as you failed to restrain yourself this morning, I will address your unwelcome communication.

1. Stating that it was “brought to your attention” that I have some of my employment history (of which you apparently do not approve) on my timeline lets me know that you are yet again talking about me behind my back to others. In order to maintain a proper “courtesy distance” I will have to request that you refrain from talking about me to others.

2. The one positive part of your message (besides when you tell me what is and is not appropriate for me to have on my XX page – frankly, none of your concern) was to inform me that when XX, of the job, added that job to my timeline as a place of previous employment, he made that viewable to the public. I have changed that setting, as I don’t want the public to know anything about my employment history. Thank you for letting me know.

3.  As XX chooses the order of what to put directly under a user’s names, I recommend that you tell XX about your problem with their display. I personally don’t care which job XX decides to stick under my name. Since you do, feel free to address your concerns through the appropriate channels.

4. I did work at the job. I did fill-in work and I do have a paycheck stub. After I worked there for the initial week, they continued to ask me to do fill-in shifts until I moved. I chose not to do other shifts. This is actually none of your business.

5. Any previous personal relationships I have had are, again, none of your business.  That person felt comfortable enough to keep calling me to work there even after our personal relationship ended, so I am not sure what originated your comment: “What happened there did not end well by all accounts.” As far as I know, I am still on their fill-in list. I can only surmise from this comment that you are, again, talking negatively about me to others for some odd reason and inserting conjecture into your conversations. In light of this information, I refer you to point 1 of this letter.

6. If, in the fall, you were questioned about me, or my employment history, by a third party, you should not have been talking about me with that person. You are not qualified to discuss my life, as it is mine, not yours. Again, please refer to point 1.

7. This is just to nitpick: you said it has been 8 months since the fall. 8 months ago was May. May is in the spring and is not the fall.

8.  As this is the first time this “issue” has been brought to my attention, it is incorrect for you to say, “It has been brought up again for you to correct.” While it is possible that your “supposed mystery friend” [who seems to care an awful lot about me and my employment history for someone who runs to you with their issues about me] mentioned this to you, nobody discussed this with me. So there is no “again” relevant to me. So again, please refer to point 1 of this letter. If someone has a question regarding anything on my page, you should suggest they address their concerns directly with me, as you are not qualified to discuss my life with any knowledge or authority.

9. I am not sure how XX putting up my previous employment with the job on my XX page reflects poorly on me (or others), but since I am not interested in your opinions, you may keep them to yourself.

10. I did not appreciate your veiled threat of “embarrassing me in front of our cohorts.” In actuality, I have chosen not to embarrass you in front of our cohorts by repeating the things you said to me on that night, or your behavior towards me on numerous other occasions before and after that evening. I have also chosen not to repeat the terrible things you said about XX. I do this because I don’t want to create unnecessary drama.

11. My previous employment is not a “blatant misrepresentation.” But I will give you an example of a “blatant misrepresentation” so you can distinguish between the two in the future. The time that you told XX that you had been researching this program for a while and were so happy you had found it (when in actuality you had never heard of this program before I told you I was applying to it and had been working towards it for years) was a total falsehood. As I discovered the information and shared it with you, you actually had not been researching and finding anything, you had relied on the information I had given you. Again, as I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of our cohorts, I remained silent and did not cause drama.

12. I would love for you to keep me at a professional and respectful distance. From your message, I can tell you have not done this thus far. Please start right away. It would be greatly appreciated.

13. Your text response to me of: “Good to know. I won’t mention it again…” was wholly insufficient. You really should apologize when you falsely accuse someone of lying and attempt to threaten them. But, as you have not apologized for any of the horrible things you have said or done to me before, I wasn’t really expecting you to start now.

I will again request that if you find people speaking to you about me, you refrain from commenting and refer them directly to me. Since you were kind enough to let me know that you still had access to my XX, I have done you the courtesy of blocking you so that you won’t have to see any information about me while you are perusing that website. If you find any other websites that have information about me, perhaps you can learn to restrain yourself from reading it and commenting about it with others. I hope this letter clears up your ‘misunderstanding.’ In case it has not, I have saved your communication from this morning. I do not want to have any further contact with you. Future attempts at communication with me will be interpreted as harassment.

Thank you very much and I wish you well with your studies.

image – Dave Brenner