I’ve Attempted Suicide Many Times. It Saddens Me That I’m Unable To Kill Myself.

I honestly don’t know when my life first started falling apart. At a young age I was abused by my stepfather, and the neighborhood I lived in was a terrible environment. My father had been out of the picture all of my life, so it was left to my mother to fend for herself, her siblings, and me.

For the vast majority of my life I have battled with severe chronic depression. The death of my mother has only worsened it. My depression has forced me to the point where I am unable to express my emotions properly, and I have the inability to truly love someone as much as I want to. These issues have led to many failed relationships. These failed relationships have further worsened my depression.

My friends are often all I have, but even then, I don’t talk to them about this because I hate making others worry. I feel unloved by those around me, and I’m suicidal at times. This year alone I’ve already attempted countless times, and it saddens me that I’m unable to kill myself. I wish I could express my emotions properly and tell people how much they really mean to me.

I just want to be loved, but ever since my mom died I haven’t felt loved. At times I think that I truly am alone and that I’m better off dead. I wish I could tell someone, but my remaining family would just judge me. I get too attached to people because I have abandonment issues. I just wish I could be normal and that I could be cured of my depression.

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