My Best Friend Died From A Heroin OD

I’m at work and I’m afraid if I start venting too much I might start crying.  I do that a lot.  I cry very often, probably more often than a lot of people, or maybe just as often as most people.  I’m in a weird place in life.  I have everything I need, but I’m not happy, and I’m very lonely.  I just realized not too long ago that I’m an extremely selfish person and that I tend to push people away.  Or push situations away.  I’m trying to fix those issues, but sometimes I feel like it might be too little too late.  I used to have a lot of friends.  Some weren’t real, but others were more real than this world, than the keyboard I’m typing on. 

But boyfriends; that’s what usually caused me to lose friends.  It almost lost me my greatest friend, but by the time I finally got her back, she was already down a dark path.  She overdosed on heroin and died…she died…my best friend for seven years…is gone…forever.  I saw her in my dreams once, but honestly I wish it were every night.  Sometimes I wish that I was with her, because I know wherever she is, it’s a lot better than being here.  I have a great person in my life though, that I would call my friend.  He’s very special to me and I hope that one day he can forgive me for being a s****y person.  But I’m just glad he is still sticking around.  I wouldn’t mind having kids with him.  He has lovely eyes.

image: Global Panorama