Nupe: I Have A Secret Crush On You, And It Hurts Like Hell That You’re Icing Me Out.

What’s Wrong My Dear Nupe?

Why do you hate me so much? You’ve suddenly become so unkind, unwelcoming, cold, and distant. Yet, you won’t grow balls big enough to tell me what’s wrong. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I cherish you and our friendship very much. I thought you felt the same way. After all, you’ve told me that you cherish me many times. But now your actions say otherwise.

You snapped on me a little the last couple of times we talked. You’ve never done this in the past. That’s how I know something is wrong. It seems like you’re angry at me for some reason, and I can’t figure out why. If you’re afraid to tell me because you don’t want to hurt my feelings, then wake up. Your current cold behaviors are more offensive, and they’re also very hurtful. I’m not as resilient as you may think, and I am crumbling.

Keep it up, and you’ll make me prefer to have you out of my life. You’ve become too unreliable. Well, you know I don’t really mean that. I’m hurting. What’s wrong? I keep thinking that maybe your behavior has nothing to do with me.

My first thought was that you’re dating someone abusive, and you’re embarrassed and don’t want me to find out. That’s why you haven’t wanted to hang out. Then I thought that maybe you’re facing legal troubles, and that you’re wearing an electronic bracelet on your ankle, and that you don’t want me to see it. Or perhaps your probation officer might show up while I’m visiting your house, and you’d be too ashamed if that happened. You never need to be ashamed with me. I love you very much.

Maybe you’re strung out on drugs again. Yeah, I know you have struggled with that. If that’s the case just let me know. I’m your ally. If I listed my favorite people, you’d be number one.

If something else is wrong, please tell me what. If it’s about me then I need to know. But treating me the way you’ve been treating me makes me not want to have anything to do with you. I never thought I’d feel this way and it’s so hard to say it. It’s hard because somewhere along the way I developed more than a crush on you. I fell in love with you. Deeply. I don’t know when, but I became aware of it in late January. I’m in love with you still. That’s why this whole ordeal has been so tormenting.

Well finally, let me say that I want you to tell me what’s up. If there’s something I’ve done wrong to make you treat me differently, then just say so. Also, if you’re trying to push me away just say so. If you still cherish our friendship, say so. Either way, just say what’s on your mind. Stop being scared to talk to me. Knowing each other for these seven years should speak for something. But if you choose not to express yourself and talk to me, I will understand.

I’ll always love you, and I’ll always want nothing but the best to come your way. You will do great things. Be well. Learn to love and protect yourself more. Thank you for being my friend. You don’t know it, but you saved my life. And for that I will be forever grateful.

If you’d answer my call, or called me back and talked to me, I would have told you all of this directly.

image: IsisMicaela