We Went From Friends, To Semi Secret Lovers, To Nothing At All. I’m Devastated That We’re No Longer Friends.

I am not mad anymore. It took me a while to accept the fact that you put the only thing you loved about your life on the line for me. You were right and I was wrong about pushing our boundaries. I know you were willing. I know I was willing. But we both knew it wasn’t our time. I’m married with a family. You’re married with a family.

What we had was sweet and innocent. I cannot however say I am not upset that you think you’re better than the best friends you left behind. I think deep down that’s the wound that hasn’t healed. I miss my friend. Truly. I do. You could of introduced us to your family, and our crush on each other would of stayed secret and sweet. Our kids could of played. We could of BBQ’d or hung out all together.

I would of been content to have you in my life, and to see you smile once or twice a year. Instead, you chose your career over your friends. People you love, traded for a job you hate, and looking good in their eyes. The eyes of people who don’t matter. I may of liked your wife. I may have been good with just keeping a friend. Instead, we crossed a line and hurt each other and other people because of a crush.

One day I hope we can share space and trade smiles. I love you man. Always have, always will.  But losing you as a friend hurts me more than not obtaining our closure. One day you’ll come down off your high horse. One day I’ll climb a few steps on the ladder. Maybe just maybe we can be in the same place at the same time. Meet me there, somewhere in the future, where we can be friends. At the very least.  I’m still grateful for your unconditional love. I just wish you weren’t ashamed of your real friends.

image- rolands.lakis