I hate you. I hate that I’m pregnant with your child that you don’t even want me to have. I hate how you’ve taken over every little piece of my life where everything reminds me of you. I hate how you convinced me into almost having an abortion. I hate how I was still in love with you, only to show up at your house and see another girl there. I hate how I’m still in love with you. I hate how you made it look so easy to completely forget that you ever loved me. I hate that I think about not wanting to have this beautiful baby boy inside of me because I know that you’re not going to be there for him. I hate you.
But most of all, I hate me. I hate how I’ve given you so much control and power over my thoughts and my life. I hate how I even think about not having this baby. I hate how I doubt that I’ll be an amazing mother when the truth is the complete opposite. I hate that I still tell myself that you’ll come back to us when I know you won’t.
I hate you.
But I hate that I never ever wish that I hadn’t met you. Because I wouldn’t have this beautiful creature that I’m going to love unconditionally.
Even after all the emotional f**k*ng abuse you’ve committed against me, I hate that I don’t wish anything bad on you.
Even after all the things you’ve done to me and the feelings you made me feel, I hate that I still love you.
And I hate that I’ll never hate you as much as you hate me.