Paper Rocks Scissors

Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe not to you, but to me it did. It mattered because the words stuck. It has been years, and they’re still there. I can still hear your voice in my head. I can hear it echo every time I look at the toilet, a razorblade, or a bridge. Do you not remember that day? The day you found out that my uncle had killed himself? Do you remember what you said? You said, “Too bad it wasn’t you.”

I remember that you saw the lines of scabs on my wrist. All of them were mostly hidden by bracelets and long-sleeved shirts. You smiled, looked at me, and shook your head. My friends forced me to eat that day at lunch. I excused myself to the school restroom minutes after eating. I was on my knees, and my hands were wrapped around the toilet bowl as the food in my stomach was purged into the disgusting toilet. I remember you coming up from the other stall and saying, “Like that will help!”

Do you remember when I went to the bathroom to wash my face and you followed me in there? I can still feel your hand smack across my face. I can still feel the incredible force you used to throw me against the wall, only to tell me how worthless I was. The night you smacked me was the night you found out that I tried to kill myself. You heard I jumped off a bridge. You stopped from there.

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Top Cop Dusk

“This follows president Cyril Ramaphosa announcing 1,326 confirmed Covid-19 cases in South Africa on 30 March – meaning 27 new cases over the past 24 hours.

Mkhize said that the total number of tests in the country now stand at 39,500 with a number of patients tested a number of times. Five people have died, he said.

“The rate of increase in the numbers is not as much as anticipated. Our modelling already shows that we are falling behind the number we thought we would reach,” he said.

“The figures we thought we would reach by the end of April was between 4,000 – 5,000, but I don’t think we will get there.”

Mkhize attributed this to the shutting down of the country’s borders as well as other interventions introduced by the government. He added that the country would ramp up testing in the coming days and would begin using more sophisticated tracing methods

Dusk Till Dawn

In the US, an estimated 25% of coronavirus carriers have no symptoms, said the director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”Information that we have pretty much confirmed now is that a significant number of individuals that are infected actually remain asymptomatic. That may be as many as 25%,” CDC Director Dr. Robert Redfield

wagner

Dear Beautiful People,

Within the first hours of daylight, I’ve seen that you’re graduating, getting married, going on vacations, and traveling the world. I see you through your perfect pictures with inspirational quotes and giddy posts about how blessed you are. You have the perfect home and the perfect partner who surprised you with a puppy simply because it’s Tuesday. And you got hired for your dream career. All of this has happened to you while I’ve barely managed to swing my legs off my bed and have a cup of coffee. I didn’t get to see your struggle to see if you were like me. You know, sometimes crying and drinking simultaneously when you really need company but the world is intangible.

What is it like to carry on with life normally and be able to go out because you were invited? What is it like to have people laugh at your jokes? What is it like to have jokes and friends? What is it like to not choke into a dreadful silence at the thought of social interaction? What is it like to know that your existence is acknowledged and appreciated? What is it like to be able to create beautiful memories with people and not be a burden? What is it like to not have to be alone if you don’t want to be alone?

Please describe the feeling of being able to look yourself in the mirror and not break into tears and self-loathing. Please tell me how it feels to not spend your day dreading the day and suffering from an existential crisis. Please tell me how it feels to not have to look back over your entire life only to realize that it was a waste.

tarzan

Dear Beautiful People,

Within the first hours of daylight, I’ve seen that you’re graduating, getting married, going on vacations, and traveling the world. I see you through your perfect pictures with inspirational quotes and giddy posts about how blessed you are. You have the perfect home and the perfect partner who surprised you with a puppy simply because it’s Tuesday. And you got hired for your dream career. All of this has happened to you while I’ve barely managed to swing my legs off my bed and have a cup of coffee. I didn’t get to see your struggle to see if you were like me. You know, sometimes crying and drinking simultaneously when you really need company but the world is intangible.

What is it like to carry on with life normally and be able to go out because you were invited? What is it like to have people laugh at your jokes? What is it like to have jokes and friends? What is it like to not choke into a dreadful silence at the thought of social interaction? What is it like to know that your existence is acknowledged and appreciated? What is it like to be able to create beautiful memories with people and not be a burden? What is it like to not have to be alone if you don’t want to be alone?

Please describe the feeling of being able to look yourself in the mirror and not break into tears and self-loathing. Please tell me how it feels to not spend your day dreading the day and suffering from an existential crisis. Please tell me how it feels to not have to look back over your entire life only to realize that it was a waste.

-A Depressed Chic

testing

donovan

Dear Beautiful People,

Within the first hours of daylight, I’ve seen that you’re graduating, getting married, going on vacations, and traveling the world. I see you through your perfect pictures with inspirational quotes and giddy posts about how blessed you are. You have the perfect home and the perfect partner who surprised you with a puppy simply because it’s Tuesday. And you got hired for your dream career. All of this has happened to you while I’ve barely managed to swing my legs off my bed and have a cup of coffee. I didn’t get to see your struggle to see if you were like me. You know, sometimes crying and drinking simultaneously when you really need company but the world is intangible.

What is it like to carry on with life normally and be able to go out because you were invited? What is it like to have people laugh at your jokes? What is it like to have jokes and friends? What is it like to not choke into a dreadful silence at the thought of social interaction? What is it like to know that your existence is acknowledged and appreciated? What is it like to be able to create beautiful memories with people and not be a burden? What is it like to not have to be alone if you don’t want to be alone?

Please describe the feeling of being able to look yourself in the mirror and not break into tears and self-loathing. Please tell me how it feels to not spend your day dreading the day and suffering from an existential crisis. Please tell me how it feels to not have to look back over your entire life only to realize that it was a waste.

-A Depressed Chick